Well a lot has happened since I last posted on here. Not that anyone probably reads this anyways haha. Therefore Ill do it purely for my own amusement. I'm a dad now. I have two sons, Andrew and Finley. Andrew's two Finley is 6 months. Andy isn't biologically mine but then again since when did DNA really determine family? He's my lil man, smart, funny, moody (shockingly like myself). Finley is the quiet one...unless you piss him off. He's cutting teeth and rolling over. He loves to be outside. If he's fussy all you have to do is take him outside and he's becomes quite content. He had a head full of thick dark hair when he was born but the older he gets the more hair he loses :) Its more of a reddish brown now. Blue eyes like his mommy. Dimples that would break your heart. Andy is talking gibber chabber like crazy, surprisingly enough I understand every word. He likes to scribble with crayons and build with blocks. Blonde hair, blue eyes. He's going to be a ladies man I can already tell, *coughs* just like me! Resist the urge to laugh at that! 

Its amazing how having kids changes not only your life but they way you look at the world. The happiness they bring into your life is like nothing else ive ever experienced. Its scary and incredible and phenomenal all in one. It's made me feel older than I probably should lol. To know that you have two human beings that depend on you for every single thing brings responsibility to a whole new level. But its what makes getting up every morning the best thing in the universe. I work a lot, college is still a priority to me but Ill have to be honest its not at the top of my list. I've got a house, bank loans, student loans, bills, and car payments but I manage to make it work, even though it means sleep is not really a factor these days. I live on a lake in my mom's old house the view is incredible in the mornings. The mosquitoes are hell. Tons of neighbors though. My house isn’t big but its comfortable. I still drive my ford. Another big thing is I got married last June, unfortunately its not turning out how I had planned. But my kids are loved and because their mother brought them into my world she always will have my love and deepest gratitude no matter what happens.

Hmm well the only other thing I can think to talk about is my online buddies who granted half of them hate me. Chrissy, Mel, Max, Court, Jess, Nikki---I dont know if any of you will see this (well actually I know court and max will) But I know there arent enough words to compensate for everything I have put you through. Ive wronged each one of you more than I wish to admit, I just hope that at one point or another I will get the opportunity to talk to each of you one on one, and apologize to you all. I'm not looking for forgiveness purely because I know I don’t deserve it. I fully acknowledge that my actions have led me to this point and your anger with me is justified and more than understandable. Possibly the ultimate punishment for everything I've done is never getting forgiveness, and I know that the worst of it is that I’ve lost your friendships...something that I've earned the right to endure for all time. As badly as I want those friendships back, Ive accepted that this is what I deserve. Its heartbreaking, and devastating to me because I really have to let you all know when we were friends, when I was that 15 year old punk life was so shitty at home for me and being able to get online and have group chats and RP's with you guys, laughing with you guys, it was such a good escape for me. To be able to forget how bad things were for even a few hours meant more than I can really explain. I could be myself (which yes I know was such a pain in the ass a lot of the time) but the good times, like listening to chrissy and nikki singing or calling nikki chipmunk, goofing of with max, being creative and collaborating in RP's those things were the best. And sadly enough I could only hope that maybe you all could think of at least one time or another when I made each of you laugh...even if it was only once amongst the many times of angry memories. I cared and still do about each and every one of you just because your who you are. I just wish I knew back than how to show it. Its hard to show people you care about them when you grow up in a house with someone that hates every bone in your body. You cant learn how to care about other people if you don’t have anyone to teach you. Something I will never let my children experience. Now that I have my own kids I realize why its so important to tell them how much you love them every day, twice a day three times a day. How important hugs are, quality time. Because then when they are turning into young adults they will know how to show people they care. 

Well I guess that’s all. I don’t think I will take another long hiatus from this journal for awhile, I’ve grown quite fond of it :) plus I get really bored sometimes and it gives me something to do. P.S excuse my poor misspelling Im too lazy to use spell check and Im to stupid to type without it lol.